early labour & late pregnancy stress.

as i write this, i am sitting comfortably in one of my dining room chairs, watching Parenthood on demand, listening to the mini talk in her sleep through the monitor.  last week was a totally different story - at this time last saturday, i was uncomfortably ensconced in the triage room of labour and delivery, listening to mcbaby's heartbeat and freaking out a little because it looked like s/he was imminently going to arrive.  over a month early.  to a mother (me) who is not fully prepared.

in the end, my contractions stopped and we headed home and i was able to make it to the end of this week at the office, which was my last!!!!  i cramped and contracted through the week and of course, didn't finish up everything and stressed about it all (still am!). my lovely co-workers also got together and made a beautiful quilt for the baby (see above!) and if the baby had arrived, i would have missed it all.

sitting here in the quiet, i have to admit i am feeling excited, overwhelmed and nervous - but hopefully everything will be okay.  because most of the time, it always is.  right?

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the ultimate in handmade...

i have to admit, part of why i haven't been as great at keeping up with the blog lately is because... yup, i'm pregnant!  obviously my productivity went down as i went through 1st trimester morning sickness (well, it was more like all day sickness) and just came to terms with the next steps in our lives!  we seem to have passed all of the tests okay (at the lovely age of 38, this pregnancy is termed a "geriatric pregnancy" so you can understand why i'm a little nervous) so, at just over 19 weeks, i am putting the news out there into the blogosphere.  meet mcbaby!!! (as L and i have named him/her - it looks like it's a her, but the tech wasn't sure so we're still trying to be gender neutral)

i am a little nervous, i'm not the spring chicken i used to be, and of course finances always come into play, but i am trying to enjoy the honeymoon period of this pregnancy while still juggling everything else - the day job, the jewelry making, and the running of the household.  we are all very excited about the next chapter in our lives - especially the mini, who already seems to love this new little one.  well, until he/she starts stealing toys and whacking people on the head. 

now if i could just budget a little better, i'd be good. 

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thoughts on the mommy track

i always thought that i'd be one of those mothers who would be chomping at the bit to return to their job outside the home. i even told my boss that i'd probably be back early. well, i've surprised everyone - most of all, myself - at how i love being at home with the mini. even though being a stay at home mom is one of the hardest "jobs" i've ever had - and believe me, i've had LOTS - it definitely is the most rewarding. they should PAY moms to stay home and raise their babies!

the husband and i have been through a lot to get to where we are now - about 20 different apartments, career changes, a move cross-country and back, several vehicles, medical conditions, a separation, buying a house, and more credit card debt than i would have liked. however, it is all worth it when i look around at our crooked little house, full of things collected on our journey (and tons of baby stuff!) and the sweet little face of my mini!!!

my boss emailed me yesterday and asked when i'm thinking about returning to work. it made me really sad to give her a date - it's not that i haven't been thinking about it (and sometimes really missing my job!), but i really wished that i could have told her that i wouldn't be coming back at all.

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Dreams of Sleeping 10 Hours a Night...

for the last 5 nights, the mini has been going to sleep at 8pm and not waking up till 4 or 5 in the morning to eat. before, she wasn't doing that except on the days she got her vaccinations. i don't know if it's the rice cereal that we started giving her (she'll eat it, but seems kind of indifferent to the taste. i think she wants french fries.) or if she's just growing up, but it's nice.

problem is, the husband has also adjusted his sleeping schedule and goes to bed shortly after the mini does, leaving me awake. i usually use the time to fill orders and clean up, but tonight i was even MORE revved up and found myself scrubbing the hardwood floors on my hands and knees. the latest issue of "parenting" magazine suggested that you stop "working" at a certain time and enjoy something that you can't do while your little ones are up... but i don't think that they meant using your hands as a swiffer.

when i do fall asleep, i sometimes awaken thinking that i've heard the mini cry, but when i go to check on her, she isn't even awake. then i have to get up around 2 or 3 am to pump since she isn't going to get up for another couple of hours to eat. so now i'm not sleeping through the night!

i know one day i'll look back on these days and miss them. but right now i'll just settle for one night of 10 hours of sleep!!!! at least the baby's well rested!!!

p.s. they found out what is wrong with my laptop. the hard drive is fried. great.

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