so this is what REAL guilt feels like. this is the morning after the husband and i had to let the mini muffin "cry it out". yesterday was the first really hot day here in Toronto, and for some reason, none of the usual soothing methods we had devised were settling the baby. not a bath (she screamed through that despite the husband's gentle hands), not eating (although i'm sure she drank about 3 litres of breastmilk over a couple of hours) and not dancing with her in my arms (seriously, i'm getting my cardio - why do i pay for a gym membership????) i was holding her in one arm, frantically Googling for ways to deal with a crying/fussy/colicky baby with the other hand. she'd actually fall asleep in my sweaty arms, but when i went to put her down in her crib, she'd awaken after 5 - 10 minutes, crying. we'd feed her again, change her diaper, cool down her room, rock her - to no avail. i was in tears, feeling exhausted, and useless. she'd look at me with her shiny, luminous eyes, which made me feel even worse. sigh.
finally the husband had to step in after the 15th feeding, her fidgeting and whimpering, and me sobbing. after sending me to bed, he rocked her gently, checked her diaper, kissed her and put her in her crib. he half closed her bedroom door and came into our room, turned on the fans to HIGH, and crawled into bed next to me. of course, i was still crying at that point, feeling like the most awful, horrible mother - thinking, i can't soothe my own baby, i can't do anything, i'm a failure. the husband kept trying to reassure me, which was a lovely gesture on his part, but it still didn't ease the guilt i was feeling! thinking about her, all alone in her crib, envisioning her sweet little face crying...
after 10 minutes, we realized we couldn't hear her anymore. the husband went to check on her and she was lying in the crib, eyes half closed. huh. so, he gently closed the door, and i guess we drifted off to sleep. funny enough, she didn't wake up for 4 hours! the longest she's ever gone without waking up to eat. go figure.
this morning, feeling still guilty, i go into her room to get her, convinced that she hates me for making her cry. and she greets me with a HUGE smile. wow. i guess she doesn't hate me! (yeah, just wait till puberty hits, i'm sure she's saving it up for then!) and i silently said a prayer thanking God for the husband for saving me and the baby. love you both tons xoxoxooxox
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i need some distraction! plus, the mini muffin has been in a sweet mood lately! so, i'm running a contest from the couch! the winner will receive a custom made set of my Simply Skinny Copper Stacking Rings! all you have to do is this:
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