>> Saturday, April 9, 2011
today i slip into my new black running tights, throw on my adidas zip-up, and lace my Nikes for the first time this season. i have some awesome songs on my blackberry and have stolen the husband's over-the-ear headphones (that never slip off my head). the weather is fabulous - sunny, bright, warm(ish) - and i can't wait to feel the rays on my face. i feel like i have been waiting to do this forever.
i head out, walk briskly for a bit before increasing my pace. and i run. i find my rhythm quite easily and it feels like i never stopped. i follow the well worn path into the ravine behind our subdivision and revel in the fact that i am OUTSIDE in the SUN! i don't worry about the mess that is my house. i don't worry about long overdue case notes. i don't worry about emails. i am one with nature. my mind and body are linked. i am zen.
until about 3 minutes in. my breath starts to burn in my chest and i kind of feel a little dizzy. even my lips start to throb because the blood moving through my veins is pumping at a furious clip. i am already hot and sweaty. (definitely not in a GOOD way) and i realize i have to slow down. to a walk. funny enough, my legs are willing, but my lungs are not. i walk for a bit till i catch my breath and then run again. but soon i realize i have to slow to a walk.
after 20 minutes of this run-walk-desperately try to catch my breath routine, i head for home. sad that it feels like i am right back where i started when i first started running years ago, when i first got sick and was much heavier. even knowing that i am lighter than before i had the baby is no consolation for the fact that i am in sad shape. and it's not like anyone is necessarily paying attention to the fact that my muffin top is definitely squishy-ier, and that i have lost some muscle mass, but i am disappointed in the old body. sigh. 5K feels VERY far away right now.