these broken hands.

a rhinestone and sterling silver bezel set ring - a prototype that never made it to the shop but i still love it

for a long time now, i have had some sort of carpal-tunnel-esque sort of thing happening with my hands.  it seemed to have started when i was pregnant with the mini - i couldn't drive for very long without my hands falling asleep.  when i took my first metalsmithing class, at some points i could barely hold the jeweler's saw, much less anything small and delicate.  however, after the mini was born, it seemed to improve and since then i have been able to work without much difficulty, at least most days.  the height that my jewelry table is at allows for proper circulation, but my desk at work and at home aren't, which results in my hands going numb if i sit there for long periods of time.

i worry.  i worry because so much of my life involves me using my hands, and i fear that if this gets worse, that i won't be able to continue my craft.  and since i also use my hands to model my designs, i'd be out a photo prop as well.  (i suppose i could have them stuffed and preserved but i'm sure it won't look good - plus how the heck would i take photos anyways?  morbid, much?)  i know that i'm probably scared for nothing, but it causes me some concern.  it makes me wonder if i have some sort of weird rare circulatory disorder, an oddly shaped blood clot in my wrists, or that one day i'll just sit up and my hands will fall off.  sigh.

i know i had posted a link to joe brooks' amazingly sweet song already - but i woke up with it in my head.  and i love the fact that they used it in grey's.  oh callie, i know how you feel.

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F*cking Metalsmithing Class... and the Value of Retail Therapy!

i couldn't even post about my class last week because i felt that the whole thing ended up so disappointingly. no, i didn't set any fires, and no, i didn't end up cutting my finger off like i had anticipated, but i did end up crying in the car.

i'm not one to toot my own horn, but i'm usually really good with my hands. with CRAFTY things. (get your mind out of the gutter!!!!!!!) however, this carpal tunnel thingy certainly had me beat at last week's class. i was clumsy and slow - it took me about 20 minutes to figure out how to load the saw blade correctly and then 30 seconds to snap it right off the frame. i am sure my instructor thought i was an idiot, but she was patient and kind with me. the mini-muffin was trying to be encouraging, bubbling around in my belly the whole time, but it really didn't help.

so i went home, tail between my legs, where i poured out the whole frustrating experience to the husband, who listened patiently. after telling me that i should have stopped at McDonalds for some emotional eating, he told me to hang in there and just learn as much as i can and to take my time. which, of course, is the logical thing to think. it's funny how your emotions - and CARPAL TUNNEL - can just take over.

lucky for me though - the results of my latest etsy shopping trip had come in:

this lovely, lovely messenger bag from bayanhippo (http://bayanhippo.etsy.com/), which i had been coveting for DAYS before i finally buckled and bought it!

and a fabulous boxful of stuff from the always wonderful BizzieLizzie (http://bizzielizzie.etsy.com/) who has the most amazing bags in the most fabulous of fabrics. this little baby to the right now holds my digital camera and memory cards and is the perfect size to fit in my ScabbyRobot (http://scabbyrobot.etsy.com/) purse! she also made a wicked cool messenger-style bag for me... sigh! i feel like a celebrity, having this woman sew for me!

i am going back tonight to keep trying. i'm not one to give up easily!!! what kind of example will i be for the mini-muffin if i give up now? (plus they probably won't reimburse me, LOL) i've been waiting so long for this class. hopefully i won't burst into tears tonight!!!!!!!!!! but i probably WILL stop at McDonalds.

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