some things never change. srsly.

>> Thursday, July 14, 2011

some things never change.  like the fact that i love to drive fast.  or eat sushi.  or can't stop making myself new earrings.  the other morning, i was dropping the mini off at my parents' and my mother made a comment about my post-baby weight.  something along the lines of the fact that i look heavier than when i first got pregnant.  (the scale says otherwise, but who am i to judge?  yeah, i have a belly, but i had a freakin' BABY.)  then, she follows that up with a comment about HER weight, that she herself has gained 8 pounds.  i was thinking, wow, some things never change.  my whole life, i was my mother's "bigger" daughter, and coming from a family where most of the women are basically beautiful sticks with hair, i do stand out a little.  but i can't change that, as much as i would like to, or not.  and when you come down to it, i love my mom.  i was hurt for about a day, then i moved on, realizing that she and i have had the same relationship issue forever and it was just something i am going to have to watch within myself so i DON'T do something similar to the mini.  (even though with her father's body type, athletic tendencies, propensity for throwing up at random times and boundless energy, i don't think that weight is something that she is going to have to worry about. 3 million games of hopscotch, much?)  oh, and maybe up the exercise a little.

funny enough, the exact same day, L had the unfortunate luck of bumping into mr. robot on the street after 9 months of relatively succeeding at avoiding any possible in-person contacts.  like, seriously, he drove by her on the street and saw her.  because she was with a co-worker, there was no way for her to turn down his offer of a ride home without coming across as rude or as a liar to her co-worker.  and probably, like i would have had, she had a moment of weakness having been thrown unexpectedly for a loop.  the ride turned into a conversation, then into several phone calls and emails.  mr. robot told my sweet L that he was a "changed man" and promised a REAL date.  plans were made, hopes were raised.

then, true to form, mr. robot sent L an email at the last minute changing the plans and offering up a late night drink at her place.  which, of course, is his usual MO.  change plans, end up at L's, then, well, you get the picture.  and then that usually ends up with mr. robot dashing out with a flimsy excuse and L left holding a big old box of regret.  L and i know this - she knows that without mr. robot in her life, she is whole and relatively happy - obviously she misses him, but she is able to laugh more often.  with him in it, it leads to self-hatred and self-loathing and boozy weepy nights.  i know that i wish, for her sake, that he would change, but unfortunately, she and i don't think he can.  but, obviously, neither can we, in that we are always hopeful that maybe, one day, he will.


Anonymous,  July 14, 2011 at 9:22 AM  

Oh lol, had 5 minutes of not crying cause I got busy doing chores then read your blog and here's the waterworks agaign:) But in a nice way because you are always my person, no matter how many times I visit the same empty robot trough looking for scraps! And filthy used scraps is all I'm ever going to get. Thank you for thinking of me in your blog and let's "chalk" it up to worst vacation ever! :(

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