these broken hands.

a rhinestone and sterling silver bezel set ring - a prototype that never made it to the shop but i still love it

for a long time now, i have had some sort of carpal-tunnel-esque sort of thing happening with my hands.  it seemed to have started when i was pregnant with the mini - i couldn't drive for very long without my hands falling asleep.  when i took my first metalsmithing class, at some points i could barely hold the jeweler's saw, much less anything small and delicate.  however, after the mini was born, it seemed to improve and since then i have been able to work without much difficulty, at least most days.  the height that my jewelry table is at allows for proper circulation, but my desk at work and at home aren't, which results in my hands going numb if i sit there for long periods of time.

i worry.  i worry because so much of my life involves me using my hands, and i fear that if this gets worse, that i won't be able to continue my craft.  and since i also use my hands to model my designs, i'd be out a photo prop as well.  (i suppose i could have them stuffed and preserved but i'm sure it won't look good - plus how the heck would i take photos anyways?  morbid, much?)  i know that i'm probably scared for nothing, but it causes me some concern.  it makes me wonder if i have some sort of weird rare circulatory disorder, an oddly shaped blood clot in my wrists, or that one day i'll just sit up and my hands will fall off.  sigh.

i know i had posted a link to joe brooks' amazingly sweet song already - but i woke up with it in my head.  and i love the fact that they used it in grey's.  oh callie, i know how you feel.

Read more...

these broken hands of mine.

from joe brooks' blog.  click on the picture to hear "these broken hands of mine"

i'm sitting here awake after the mini threw up in the bed and we cleaned up the huge mess. she is sleeping peacefully now, but i'm obviously not. i'm doing laundry and listening to songs quietly on my laptop.  been thinking about things... like how i got to this place, right here right now.  how sometimes things are surreal, how sometimes i want to be somewhere else and exactly where i am at the same time.  about how my hands hurt from twisting wire and soldering.  how some days i love/hate my job so much.  ah, duality! (but it doesn't make my hands hurt any less.  boo.)

Read more...