no drugs and the halloween baby.

so here we are, just over a week later and one baby added to our little family.  late in the evening of october 30th, just after a morning appointment with my OB, where she said i was only about 2cms dilated and mcbaby nowhere to be seen, i went into fast and crazy labor at home.  the husband and i quickly put our well rehearsed plan into action - the mini went to grandma and grandpa's, the bags went into the car - but quickly we realized that that was going to be the extent of the control we were going to have over the whole situation.  we didn't even pull the car out of the parking lot before the husband realized that if he drove us to our downtown hospital, we weren't going to make it.  plus, i am sure driving with an almost hysterical wife in the passenger seat was not going to be very pleasant at all.  so he called 911, and i went back into the house where i most likely screamed bloody murder.  once the EMS guys got here, things seemed to move fast and slow at the same time - i got some well placed punches in and called some people some very bad names - and once we got to the closest hospital (thankfully only 3 minutes away via ambulance) mcbaby was here within seconds.  no drugs.  yeah.  NICE.

let me tell you, natural childbirth is INSANE compared to the dreamy epidural i had with the mini.  however, the recovery time was so much quicker, and within 24 hours, we were all home, warm and toasty in our beds.  the mini has had some adjusting to do now that the attention of mom and dad has to be shared, and the fact that mcbaby cannot play tea party at ALL, but we are settling in.  kind of.  mcbaby is a very pensive, zen sort of baby so far, watching and tolerating the affections of the bigger people around her.  except when she's hungry or poopy.  there are going to be lots of adjusting and growing pains - plus we are eating ourselves out of house and home LOL - but i think we're getting a little pattern to our days.  and now we cannot imagine our home without this little one.

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waiting.

it seems like these days, i've been sitting here waiting. waiting for the baby to come (yup, we're 6 days till my due date - unlike his/her sister, this baby doesn't seem to be in a rush to come on out). waiting for EI to kick in. waiting for jewelry to come out of the tumbler (which is hit or miss these days - for some reason, it isn't working as well as it used to but what do i expect from a 6 year old rock tumbler that runs almost daily).  waiting for the post office to open.  waiting for my pre-holiday shipment of precious metal.  (yippee!!)  waiting for people to text or BBM or email me back. but it's teaching me patience, and giving me the opportunity to get things done around the house.   and discover - and rediscover - good music.  maybe this baby will come out dancing.

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unbelievably anxious.

i know i am not the first mother who tears up at the thought of leaving her little one to go back to work. and i count myself very lucky to have a job to go back to, especially in this economy, don't get me wrong. but as i head into the home stretch of my maternity leave (april 27th is D-Day, sob) i find myself sinking a little into sadness.

yesterday, we had an incredibly difficult day. we were all ready to head up to my sister's for our nephew's birthday party and then we hit some speedbumps. first, the mini's afternoon nap went wayyyyyyy too long. because of her bout with roseola, i was reluctant to wake her up - she needs her sleep to continue to recover! and that made us an hour behind schedule. then, as we were getting ready, the husband spilled coke all over his shirt and the chair - putting him into a crabby mood. then, after i had loaded the mini into her carseat, she puked into the seat, all over her bundle me blanket, and her coat. then, as i went to get her new clothes, the door of her closet fell off. yes, FELL OFF.

needless to say, i had to call my sister to cancel. i just couldn't take it. there were too many things going on, and too much vomit everywhere. i just couldn't THINK about going out at that point. i know that i probably should have pushed through and just cleaned everyone up and headed out, but all i wanted to do was sit on the floor and cry. because then it just made me think about having to go back to work and having days like this and not having the luxury to just stay home.

yes, i'm whiny. and as i write this, i'm teary. i honestly did think that i would be the type of mom who would be dying to go back to work... but, to everyone's surprise, i am NOT. while the mini is going to be in wonderful hands while i'm working - hello, grandma! - i know i am going to be a mess.

if anyone has any tips or advice, please please please share!!!!!

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thoughts on the mommy track

i always thought that i'd be one of those mothers who would be chomping at the bit to return to their job outside the home. i even told my boss that i'd probably be back early. well, i've surprised everyone - most of all, myself - at how i love being at home with the mini. even though being a stay at home mom is one of the hardest "jobs" i've ever had - and believe me, i've had LOTS - it definitely is the most rewarding. they should PAY moms to stay home and raise their babies!

the husband and i have been through a lot to get to where we are now - about 20 different apartments, career changes, a move cross-country and back, several vehicles, medical conditions, a separation, buying a house, and more credit card debt than i would have liked. however, it is all worth it when i look around at our crooked little house, full of things collected on our journey (and tons of baby stuff!) and the sweet little face of my mini!!!

my boss emailed me yesterday and asked when i'm thinking about returning to work. it made me really sad to give her a date - it's not that i haven't been thinking about it (and sometimes really missing my job!), but i really wished that i could have told her that i wouldn't be coming back at all.

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Wedding Anniversary... and My Last Day of Work!!!!!!

today is my last day of work! as of monday, i start my maternity leave! i can't believe that the time flew by so quickly - and yet so slowly!!! i have to admit that i have some feelings of ambivalence: this is the first time in a long time that i'll be off of work for an extended period, as well as the first time i'll be home with a BABY, no less! it makes things really REAL now - the mini-muffin is well on her way and we're going to be parents!!!! the most important job in the world! incidentally, we celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary this week, and i think i was secretly hoping that the baby would make her appearance on that day! we went for spicy korean food - but no go. she's not ready yet. it's okay though - i'd prefer that she bake a little while longer anyways!! and at least she'll know that her parents didn't have a shotgun wedding! (not that there is anything wrong with that!)

i've planned it so that i (hopefully) have a little bit of time to myself to do the whole "nesting" thing, as well as catch up on some reading and TV watching. (nothing like taking time off to watch all 6 seasons of Sex and the City - thank you, Laurie!) but i'm usually not one to sit still for very long, so i'm hoping to also think of some amazing ideas for my etsy shop! i have some magnificent beaded sterling silver wire on the way, which has inspired ideas for more stacking rings! the husband and i were joking about the fact that everyone calls us "bohemian" because we're kind of artsy (before you get all thinking we're hippie-esque, we do NOT own one piece of tye-dye), and that his drum machine lives right next to my jewelry microtorch!

i've also been giving a lot of thought to making sure that i try to maintain a good balance between motherhood, career-hood (even though, believe me, if i could stay home full time, i would!), and crafty-hood. i'm hoping to find a happy medium for all the parts of me!

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